what i've learned

I just spoke with a friend that is dealing with some of the same issues that I dealt with a few years ago and it forced me to reflect on what I've learned about life in the past few years. I think that it is tough to be in your mid-twenties, you graduate college with expectations of a great job, going out with friends at night, you know you're supposed to be living it up. Only, it's not always like that when you graduate. You may not live in the same town, let alone the same house as the good friends you've gotten used to hanging out with constantly. You get a job, realize that working is terrible, and you make a lot less than what you thought you would. It was really hard for me to cope with those changes in my life, especially after I left grad school and moved to Kansas City. I constantly questioned whether I made the right decision to move and then I began to question every major life decision. Eventually I started to believe that I couldn't trust myself to make good decisions, so I had no idea how I could move forward with life. Long story short, that wasn't a good path to head down and it led me nowhere FAST. Thinking back to that time, I recognize a few actual mistakes that I made and I hope by writing this I can help my friend recognize where he/she might be living by the same faulty logic that I was.

First, I failed to acknowledge that my worth as a person was not defined by how much money I made. Sure, it is nice to make more money and it's hard when you have friends that have higher salaries than you do, but salary is not what defines your character. Judging yourself by that standard will always make you unhappy because there will always be someone less-deserving out there making more money than you. But, you can't do anything about that, so don't dwell on it.

Second, I failed to recognize that I wasn't "stuck" in a job. The truth is that I lacked a lot of self-confidence and just didn't believe that I would be able to find my dream job. I thought that other employers would always see me as a research assistant, someone at the bottom of the totem pole. The truth is that I also thought that it was too late for me to change my career path and I'd have to travel down that path and hate it for the rest of my life. Now, don't get me wrong, I haven't found my dream job, but I've come to accept my job for what it is-a job. I've decided to go back to school to become a dietitian, something I've thought about since about 2000. Why did it take me 9 years to get there, I don't know, but I finally did and I'm really excited about the possibilities. The truth is that it's never too late to change your career path. It may not be easy, but it's worth it. Don't decide to stick with something you don't like when you're 25! You have to work for 40 more years! Just because you have a car payment or you are used to having a salary, think about the long-term vs the short-term sacrifices before you rule something out.

Third, I thought that having "grown-up" stuff would make me happy. It doesn't and it's a pain in the butt. I was so excited when we decided to buy a house, because that is what you are "supposed" to do. But, houses aren't free and they require a lot of you. Having a home is wonderful, but tricking yourself into believing that you need to own yours is silly. Owning a house is a big responsibility and I'd argue that it's a mistake to jump into that if you aren't sure about your where your life is headed. Houses can really complicate your life and there is absolutely nothing wrong with renting a place until you're at a place in your life when ownership make sense for you.

Getting married is kind of tied into the "grown-up" stuff category too. If you're struggling to figure out who you are, maybe you're not ready to get married yet. I moved to KC and got engaged, but we ended up postponing our wedding. In the end, everything turned out wonderfully, but things would have been ok even if we decided not to get married. The most important thing is that we went into it when we were both ready. If you aren't ready, then there is a reason and you need to spend some time figuring out what that reason is.

Fourth, I didn't talk about these things with people. I kept it inside until they boiled over. Of everything, this was my biggest mistake. I shouldn't have made such harsh judgements about how I should or shouldn't have felt about life. I mistakenly believed that everyone else I knew was on the right path and I was the only one who was drifting. I thought other people would judge me and wouldn't understand. The fact is that I was wrong. Many people I know struggled with feelings/decisions about where they're headed in their mid-20's. People would have understood and tried to help if I would have reached out.

The bottom line is that even if things are tough for you right now, you'll get through it. Even if you've made a bad decision along the line, everyone does, and it's ok that you did. The key is to figure out where you want to be and then ask people to help you get there. Trust me, people want to help you. Friends and family want you to be successful, but mostly, they want you to be happy. If you need to make changes in your career, your relationships, or whatever, do it. The sooner you do, the faster you'll get to a place of contentment in your life. In the end, happiness is worth a lot more than your salary, your job title, your neighborhood, or your car.

More Travels!

Here are some pics of my trip to La Conner and Seattle, WA. The Pacific Northwest is absolutely, stunningly beautiful, even with the rain. I recommend this as a travel destination, but bring a jacket, it's pretty chilly and it rains:)

Unfortunately, I missed the Skagit Valley Tulip Festival by one week:(

These are tulips in the field, most of the flowers are gone. I used my imagination to fill in aps and it was amazing and beautiful. The physician at the practice where we visited said that they chop off the tulip heads. I should have asked why. If I get the urge later, I google it and post it.

After we left La Conner, I headed to Seattle for some fun with my friend Cooper. While she was at work, I headed off on the bus to Pike Place Market. Like I said, nothing warms my heart like produce at farmer's markets, in this case, hippies replace old farmers, but I like hippies too. There is so much to take in at the market, it is a one-of-a-kind experience. When you are in Seattle, you really must go to the market. If you don't buy it yet, listen to this story...I went about 5 years ago and standing right under that big sign was an old man who had a pet possum standing on his shoulder. The possum would give him kisses and the man had no teeth. If that isn't something worth seeing, I don't know what is. Unfortunately, he wasn't there on Friday, I was really disappointed. Maybe I missed his shift. But, even if you don't see the possum man, there are a lot of really great street performers, musicians, and other interesting people hanging around the market. There are also so many shops, stalls, and restaurants, it's hard to keep track of where you've already been. Luckily, I went to the market without eating a whole lot, because it's a great place to get food! In fact, I could pretty much only think about food the whole time I was there (perhaps in part due to the fact that I'm pregnant, but definitely not 100% attributable). Luckily, I had the low down on places to eat from Mike and Heather, so I found my way to a place they told me had the most delicious homemade macaroni and cheese-Beecher's Homemade Cheese. They were right. I can't even put into words how decatant and cheesy this pasta-marvelous bit of heaven tasted. Here's a picture (I'm getting hungry as I type this, that's how great it was). In all fairness, I should disclose that I love cheese, especially melted cheese. I was determined to have this, because on my trip to Charleston I missed out on a different form of melted cheese at Juanita Greenberg's Nacho Royale. I've been regretful ever since and I wasn't about to leave Seattle with the same "what-if" hanging over me for months.

After the macaroni and cheese, I wanted to have some fruit, so I went back to find a produce vendor. The one note of caution I should say is that all the produce people are located by at least least one fish person. You really can't get away from the smell of seafood unless you're standing next by someone who smells like incense (it's pretty easy to find a few) or you go into a non-seafood resaturant. You get used to the odor and it's totally worth it! Again, I was reminded that I needed to find a Farmer's Market in K.C. and go, even if it means getting up early on Saturday. 're in a non-seafood restaurant, but you get used to the odor and it's totally worth it.

The other great thing about the market is all the flower vendors and the prices are amazing. It's hard to describe all the colors, shapes, and sizes of the tulips and other flowers there. And then, these little ladies will put them into affordable bouquets and you can take them home! It's a lot better than the grocery store florist. I had to get some flowers for Mike and Heather's condo.

Here's a pic of my flowers on the bus ride home.

Later that night, Mike and Heather took me to West Seattle. Here's me and you're looking at downtown Seattle, but you can't see the Space Needle. It's amazing how much water surrounds Seattle. Look at an up-close map of Seattle, it's surprising.

Old Friends

I am very thankful that I've had the opportunity to travel to such neat places this spring with my work. I wish that I could say that I love my job and I wouldn't want to be doing any other kind of work, but I am thankful to have a pretty good job working with great people. Getting to travel around has helped me to recognize and appreciate how lucky I really am. I have been working on a research study for about 2 years about a topic that I love-fitness and disease prevention. Although, I am pretty sure I'm ready to wrap this puppy up, I am really grateful for the experiences I've had through the study. I've met a lot of really interesting doctors and nurses from all over the country who truly are trying to help patients. I've also gotten to visit quite a few places that I've never been before and gotten to visit friends who are now scattered around the country.

I just got back from Seattle where I got to visit my friend Heather (Cooper) Wade. Hanging out with her and her husband made me really think about and appreciate all the amazing people that I know. However, I also realized that I need to do a better job keeping in touch with my friends! I readily admit that I stalk people via Facebook and their blogs, but I don't actually CALL them to see what is going on in their lives! I really need to change that!

Here's an example of what I mean, Heather got married last September and I only met her husband at their wedding. I only found out that she had a boyfriend after they had been together for several months because she wrote about a trip they took on her blog. When I went to their wedding, I didn't even know how they ended up dating. In fact, I only know the story of "them" because I asked them this past weekend. p.s. I think Mike is pretty great. Although I was certain that if he ended up with Heather, he had to be, it was confirmed this past weekend. I'm really happy that my friend found someone who makes her so happy!

When I think about how I really don't know very much about some of my very favorite people's lives, it makes me pretty sad. So, I've resolved to do a better job keeping in touch. I made a resolution in January (besides writing on this blog weekly) to keep in better touch with my high school friends and I honestly think that I've improved. So, I have high hopes that I can improve communication with my college friends too.

Class Reunion

This past weekend was my 10 year class reunion. I have to admit I was a little nervous about it. First, I helped organize it and we weren't sure anyone was going to show up. What happened to the RSVP fo goodness sakes? Second, I'm pregnant. That meant two things to me, 1) there would be no booze for me, and 2) I couldn't wow people with my hotness. I'm slightly kidding about the hot part, but I do look much different than I did in high school and I always imagined being able to show off at my 10 year reunion and make people jealous.

Last year, when looking hot at my reunion was a real possibility, I got excited to have a reunion. I even thought about what I could wear to it to show off. Then, I got pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I am ecstatic to be pregnant, but all my old insecurities came back when I realized I'd be 15 weeks pregnant at my high school reunion. Then, it really hit me that I could be fat again and I'd have to face all those people WITHOUT drinking. I got seriously worried.

It turns out, that I didn't need alcohol. I didn't need to worry. And, I look awesome at 15 weeks pregnant. So, that stupid fantasy that I've had for 15 years about wanting all my classmates to be jealous of me, well, it may not have happened, but who cares? I have a lot to envy and it's not just how I look! I'm very blessed to have a wonderful husband, a great job, a nice house, and a baby on the way. I feel strangely vindicated about high school now. I was really almost bitter about my years at Orchard Farm for a really long time, but I think I finally figured out that high school is high school. I can't let old demons haunt the future, so it's really time to let those go for good. Although, I wish it wouldn't have taken me so long to figure that out, I'm glad I have.

It was great to see a lot of old friends. I had a lot of fun. I wish all my classmates the best of luck in the future! Maybe they'll learn how to RSVP for 15.