Belly Pride and other thoughts

So, I really do care a lot about health care reform, but I can't sleep again, so I decided to write some more of my musings on life.

I was staring at my belly today and realized that I'm quite proud of it and I'm proud of myself for having it! This is a picture from last Sunday (29 weeks).

Hopefully from the picture, you can tell that I'm pregnant and not just had a sudden increase in abdominal fat. If it wasn't such a boring fact that I think no one cares about, I'd go look up the reference for how much more at risk you are for cardiovascular disease as the amount of belly fat you have increases. Suffice it to say, the health risks of being overweight are numerous and devastating and they are even worse for people who carry a lot of fat around their vital organs. Even a modest weight loss (5%) can dramatically reduce your risk of developing diabetes. Just think how the costs of healthcare might go down if we could just PREVENT the onset of disease... I'm a dreamer, I know.

But, I digress, this blog is supposed to be about belly pride. I usually don't stare at my belly, but I'm glad that I did tonight. Even though I know that my belly is big for reasons other than gluttony, I've found it mentally challenging to watch myself expand. A few months ago, I had a different kind of belly pride. For the first time in my life, I was getting a visible line in my abs (a 2 pack, if you will). I worked really hard to get that and I was so proud of it. When I got pregnant, I was so happy, but at the same time, I was really scared about what would happen to my body over the next 40 weeks and sad to know that I'd lose the acceptance of my body as it was that I'd finally achieved. I've learned that what happens to your body can be scary, frustrating, and annoying, but it is also wonderful and amazing. As I stared at my belly today, I realized that I've come a long way and I'm proud of my belly for being such a trooper. My body has a tough job, it's growing and supporting a whole new person. I must say that I think that my body is doing a darn good job so far.

The process of growing has forced me to examine my beliefs on beauty, size, and confidence and I'm glad. Everytime, I look at myself and think about how much I hate looking so different, I try to think about how it feels when I stare at my belly and it moves by itself. That always reminds me that the precious baby girl temporarily housed in there is worth it a million times over. Maybe one day, I'll feel compelled to get on my soap box about the pressure to be thin in a country where most people are fat, but not today. I'll just say that I'm learning a lot about myself and how ingrained the ideas of superficial beauty really become in the subconscience mind. I'm glad to have the chance to consider these things right now, because I'm going to have a daughter very soon.

It's really important to me to raise a daughter who is confident and proud of herself (including her body). I don't want her to feel inadequate or not valuable if she's not a supermodel. This process of physically growing made me realize that I still have some "mental growing" to do in this area. I need to really pay attention to how I act around my little girl. I don't her ever want her to hear me say, "I look fat in this" or "This looks hideous on me" or any number of other things that come out my mouth. I want a healthy and strong body and I want to strive for that because it makes me feel good, not because I think that I'll look better or people will think that I'm prettier that way. I am going to work toward that goal for me and for my daughter.