clones and mini-mes

Well, I can't sleep and sometimes it helps .to jot down your thoughts. Since writing them down would require turning on a light, I thought that I might as well type them in my blog where I don't need to illuminate my entire room, just a 17 in screen that I can dim.

Having recently been pregnant, I've been thinking a lot about what I want to pass on to my kids. I don't mean physical attributes or genes, but less concrete things like personality traits and what values are most important to me. I quickly realized that worrying about physical issues puts you on the fast track to crazy because you have no control over those anyway. Of course, I would prefer if all the kids looked like me, but Mother Nature has got that under control. I can't do anything to affect my kid's physical traits other than help them be as healthy as possible. At the risk of sounding shallow, I would like to put out an appeal that my kids not inherit Sean's widow's peak. I honestly have no idea how to style hair around that.

To some extent, I am not sure how much control anyone has over personality either. I used to think that I wanted a kid exactly like me, but I've come to my senses and realized I really don't want a kid that is just like me. I want a kid that is better than me! I think that much of personality is genetically influenced, and there are plenty of traits that I think I'd be better off without. So, I have a longer list of wishes for my kids in this area and the main one is, please God, help my kids be as easy going as Sean. I guess I haven't really decided what good traits that I'd like to pass on, but I do like the following things about my personality: ambition, practicality, and empathy. I'm sure that this list is longer, but it's late and I'm not sure that I'll have that much influence over my offspring's personality. So, I'll use my effort to think about what I am definitely able to influence, values.

I think that part of the reason that I want kids is to help ensure that there are going to be more good people in the world. Not to say that I don't have faith in humanity anymore, but I don't really anymore. It's really important to me that there are people out there who realize there is more to the world than themselves. I feel like people are just to wrapped up in their own lives to take one second and think about the well-being of other people, the planet, or really anything other than themself. There's a lot to say about this, so I may have to save it for another post. But, I want to make sure that my kids recognize that there are poor people, hungry people, sick people, animals who are losing their habitat, communities that crumbling, and glaciers that are melting and it's up to everyone to help change that. It's not someone else's problem, it's our problem. I want to teach them to give generously of their time to help others, to recycle, to be frugal, to waste less, and, most of all, to care. I think that's a tall order and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to do it.

I also need to remember that my kids are going to teach me things too and I need to always be open to it. I don't think there is a better way to teach kids that they matter than to listen to what they have to say.